MANAGING THESE UNCERTAIN TIMES FOR OUR KIDS

We are all navigating uncertainty given the presence of The COVID-19 virus. Uncertainty is scary. We desire predictability. We don't have that right now, and we may not for some time. To further complicate things, we are about to get a real lesson in social isolation. This is going to be difficult for many of us. Social isolation is already happening for our kids and my sense is that it is going to get much worse. While some are excited that school is on-hold or on-line, they are missing out on that built-in interaction with their peers. I fear that youth depression rates will skyrocket if we aren't thoughtful in how we go about this. For this reason, I have put together a list of things to consider as parents. I hope you take the time to read this in it's entirety.

- Practice good self-care: This is more important now than ever. We cannot take adequate care of our families if we, ourselves are unwell. Our kids will be watching us. Model what you desire for them.

- Pay attention to what News outlets you expose your kids to: As we all know, the media can misrepresent information. This happens all the time. If you are watching news or listening to it and they are present, discuss it and perhaps fact check it. Teach them that we are not always given the truth through media. Another option: Don't watch it in front of them!

-Meet them where they are: We cannot expect our kids to process this in the same way we do. It is not biologically possible. Their brains are not fully developed like ours. Therefore, statements like "short term pain equals long term gain," will simply not work for them. Nor will, "Gosh, if this would have happened when I was growing up, it would have been so much worse. We didn't have social media and all of the other avenues you have now to communicate with you friends." By definition, teenagers only see the here and now. They don't care that much about what was happening or would have happened when we were young. What matters is what is happening to them right now.

-Keep a schedule: As humans, we are creatures of habit/routine. We love to hate it, but we need it. As adults, we notice this after extended time off work or even after a long vacation. We all secretly desire to get back to the "known;" our routine. Make a schedule for your family as if life was "normal." A normal sleep schedule is critical. Try to steer clear of allowing your teenagers to stay up all night and sleep all day. They need to be up during the day and experiencing the light of the day. Homework would be a good thing to schedule.

-Keep the screen-time limits you normally do: Let them earn extra time for doing things that promote good mental health or for help around the house, etc.

-Spend time outdoors: We need the sun. We need the daylight as it naturally provides our body's with Vitamin D. Vitamin D is vital for our overall health. Research shows that Vitamin D can greatly reduce depression. If you have difficulty getting your kid outside, let them earn extra screen time in exchange for outside time.

-Keep moving: Physical exercise is important. Exercise releases the natural chemicals in our brains that antidepressants provide. Think outside the box. Fitness centers are closed, so get creative. For example, yoga is something everyone can do from home. There are apps we can downloaded for almost any type of yoga. There is even yoga for depression. Also, our phones have 10 minute workout apps that are easy to follow and do not require equipment.

-Be thoughtful when implementing consequences for negative behavior: This may not be the time to take your kids phone, screen time or video games away as a consequence. Find something else for now. Make them scrub toilets or something else unpleasant. Taking away their access to their friends is different from when we were grounded as kids. We are going through a pandemic. Kids need their friends during this time as we need ours. The organic social interaction we have in even going to the grocery store is important. They will have none of that. It is different.

-Be proactive: I have had all of the kids I see individually and in groups this week think ahead. When we are bored or depressed, it is difficult to retrieve certain things. I have had them make a list of things they want to do, but don't have time. I do this as an adult when I know I will have extended time off work. I have been amazed by some of things these kids are putting on their list. Some examples: learn a new language, catch up on homework, organize my bedroom, learn how to cook something, write, read, make an obstacle course in the backyard, write a song, learn a new instrument, etc. Have them share their list with you.

-We will learn some positive things from this. Notice them: I will be paying attention to what this pandemic teaches us. I'm sensing that we will learn a lot about compassion, fear and how to navigate the "unknown." I will leave you with this...the future is not real. It hasn't happened yet. We cannot predict the future, so in many ways, we already know how to do the "unknown." We will make it through this "unknown" as well. Be well and take great care of yourselves. Warmly, Joy Phillips, Clinical Social Work/Therapist, MSW, LSW joyphillipsmsw@gmail.com 📷 ReplyForward

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